Ask Amy: Her obsession with our grandson is taking over our life

Dear Amy: My wife and I married a little later in life and only had one child, a daughter.

Amy Dickinson 

Our wish for a grandchild came true when our daughter had a baby boy a little over a year ago.

We are very excited and love spending as much time with him as we can, and fortunately for us, we see him often.

They will also occasionally ask us to babysit, and we always say yes.

I’m good with that. However, over the past six to nine months, my wife has become increasingly irritated when she doesn’t see our grandson as much as she would like.

She wants pictures/videos of him sent to her on a daily basis. She wants to go to their house two to three times a week (unannounced), and then wants them to come to our house at least once during the week and at least once on the weekends.

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She also gets upset when they take him to his other grandparents’ house.

Our daughter has no idea that my wife gets so angry, mainly because she only vents her frustration to me — so far.

I tried to explain that they have their own lives to lead, but she says I obviously don’t understand or love our grandson the way she does.

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I know she is hurting, but I’m not sure how to make her understand that this baby isn’t our son and that the kids aren’t trying to withhold him from us. They just want to live their lives and raise their son the same way we were allowed to raise our daughter.

What do you make of this?

Proud Grampa

Dear Proud: You don’t say that your wife was an obsessive or overwhelming parent to your daughter when she was young, so I’m assuming that this is new for her.

I agree with her that “you don’t love your grandson the way she does,” but in my opinion, loving the way she loves is not the healthy or balanced standard for a grandparent relationship.

Her demands and possessiveness regarding this baby seem less about love and more about control.

Her expectations, as well as her overly emotional response when she is disappointed, show a lack of perspective and are not respectful of this child’s actual parents.

Unless your wife adopts a …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment

      

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