Ask Amy: He’s a bad husband but I love him too much to leave

Dear Amy: I believe my husband is having an affair. I know this from watching his behaviors.

Amy Dickinson 

His phone is constantly going off, day and night. He stands with his back against the wall to check his phone so I can’t see it when he gets home. He is constantly clearing his history. He is very protective about his phone and gets very defensive when I try to talk to him about it.

He is also narcissistic and very into porn. He has always been dishonest. When we were engaged, I caught him sexting with his ex-wife, who was one of my closest friends. His mother even warned me about how dishonest he is.

He refuses to work on our relationship and is very emotionally abusive and immature.

I have prayed, gone to church, and done everything I can to support him and help him, but ultimately it’s his choice to continue with these behaviors. He acts like he doesn’t care. He doesn’t change. He won’t go to counseling to get help.

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I feel taken for granted and used. He only wants me as a home base and wants to continue communicating with lots of women on the side.

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I believe he has fallen out of love with me. The spark in his eyes is gone and he won’t communicate.

At this point I don’t know what to do. I have already considered separation but don’t feel like that will fix anything because he refuses to change.

I don’t want a divorce because I love him.

Confused

Dear Confused: Actually, separation could fix everything. Everything.

Separation would remove you from your husband’s orbit. You wouldn’t have to watch him as he tries to mask what he’s doing in your home and under your nose. You wouldn’t be forced to look into his loveless, sparkless eyes.

You wouldn’t have to confront him about his dishonesty or listen to his lies and defensive responses to your allegations.

You don’t have to stop loving your husband. You do need to start loving yourself. You need to grow up, accept that you cannot force your husband to change, and take responsibility for the fact that you chose to marry someone you don’t …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment

      

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