Ask Amy: Man resents being left off of annual letter

Dear Amy: I’m a gay male who’s been in a relationship with the same man for the last 25 years.

Both of our families have been supportive of our relationship over the years.

During the Christmas holidays, we usually receive Christmas cards from my partner’s side of the family with annual letters inside of them.

These letters usually tell stories about the happenings of the current year.

What troubles me every year is that some of the Christmas cards are addressed only to my partner’s name when the family member knows me very well and knows of our long relationship.

As for the letters inside these Christmas cards, many of them only mention my partner but say nothing about me!

I imagine some members of my partner’s family may feel awkward writing anything about me and having to explain who I am to anyone else receiving the Christmas cards with letters inside of them.

I’ve expressed my feeling of disappointment to my partner. He usually just says to me that he doesn’t understand it either and that we should not give this importance.

While I agree with my partner’s view, I’m still left with what the right/correct thing to do is. What do you think?

— Disappointed at Christmas

Dear Disappointed: I agree with you that it is disrespectful for these family members to basically deny your presence in your partner’s life, by not addressing cards to you, and by not including you or even acknowledging you in their annual narratives.

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Your partner should address this with his parents (and perhaps with more distant family members), not only by saying that this is annoying and rude, but to patently ask them to adopt a different course of action: “Mom and Dad, we love your Christmas letter, but could you please remember that I have a life partner? He’s a member of the family, and it’s embarrassing when you leave him out. Honestly, this exclusion hurts both of our feelings.”

That having been said, most people who write Christmas letters write most passionately and comprehensively about their direct relatives (children, grandchildren). In-laws and partners should be mentioned by name, however.

You should also help to turn the page on this by publishing your own Christmas letter. Model the behavior and the tone you’d like to see — with you and your guy side-by-side, communicating as equals and family members.

Dear Amy: I’ve been with my boyfriend for over seven years. We are both 35.

We are both …read more

Source:: The Denver Post – Lifestyle


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