DEAR HARRIETTE: My father and I haven’t spoken in about two years. I had a baby out of wedlock, and he disowned me the moment he found out. I lost my dad, mom and sisters and was estranged from the family on his orders.
He doesn’t allow anyone in the family to communicate with me. The last time I spoke to them was the day he told me to collect my belongings and I had to move in with my boyfriend’s family. They don’t even know my child’s name or gender.
This week, my boyfriend gave me a piece of mail addressed to me that was labeled as coming from my father. My heart sank when I received it, and I have been sick ever since. I haven’t opened it and don’t know if I should.
My 21st birthday just passed, so maybe it’s a birthday card.
After not seeing or hearing from my family, though, why now? I have been so fortunate and peaceful since being kicked out. I don’t want to see anything that is going to shake my peace.
Should I open the letter?
Harriette Cole: We’re exhausted but I’m afraid to hire a helper
Harriette Cole: My kids watched the debate and they’re so upset
Harriette Cole: With work-from-home, I can make this change and nobody needs to know. Bad idea?
Harriette Cole: I’d like to support my teen’s passion but I’m not rich (or Eddie Van Halen)
Harriette Cole: She said I could live in her house. Turns out it’s a hovel.
DEAR EXCOMMUNICATED DAUGHTER: Open the envelope. Whatever it is, you can handle it. Not knowing is eating you up. You might as well know.
Sit with your boyfriend if you believe he will be supportive, and open the mail together. Whatever your father says, know that you are now an adult with a child and a family. You are already taking care of yourself and making your way without your father’s help. Of course you miss your family and are hurt that you are disconnected from them, but it’s essential that you remember that you have proven yourself capable of fending for yourself without them.
Now, open the letter. If it is conciliatory, you have your opening to reconnect to the family. If it is not, you will decide how to proceed. Do know that children have a way of melting hearts. Even when parents start out judgmental based on religious or other values, connecting to those little angels often can heal. You might want to send photos of your baby to your …read more
Source:: The Mercury News – Entertainment