Relationship experts say these are the 8 red flags to look out for when you start dating someone — and some are surprisingly common


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Any new relationship is full of challenges. You’re getting to know someone, and there’s no telling when something might happen to burst the bubble of your new romance.

In general, it’s fun learning all there is to know about someone who used to be a stranger. But sometimes, there will be signs that you shouldn’t take things further.

Everyone has their own quirks and opinions, and someone who’s a bit different isn’t a reason to run for the hills. But it’s a major red flag if you find yourself compromising on yourself or feeling uncomfortable.

Business Insider asked eight relationship experts, many who specialise in helping people who have been in abusive relationships, about what they think are the major red flags.

Here’s what they said:

SEE ALSO: Empaths and narcissists make a ‘toxic’ partnership — here’s why they’re attracted to each other

1. You justify their bad behaviour.

“If you find yourself justifying away what he does or says, even though these feel wrong in your gut, then that’s a surefire red flag.

“The mind is the most skilled Photoshopper — it can rationalise anything and paint any picture of anyone, depending on our initial perspective. There is a psychological phenomenon known as the ‘confirmation bias,’ where we are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with our views and only keep those that do. And with a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to worm their way into your heart.

“So even if they do something bad or say something that’s off, you may think, ‘He’s only this way because he went through X.’ This is when ticking boxes of ‘Is he rude to the waiter?’ ‘Is he nice to his family members?’ doesn’t work. He could be all that — the sleekest toxic people are.

“But underlying it, if he says things like, ‘So they’ll treat us better the next time,’ or he has a mean mouth towards some people, and if you find yourself justifying his transactional mindset or meanness, then it’s time to pause and step back. Our brains work overtime to convince us of someone who’s not good for us, even when our guts know it.”

— Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and expert in toxic relationships who created the Detox Your Heart program

2. They don’t talk through issues.

“I’d say the one major red flag in a person’s behavior that may indicate that the relationship won’t work is the unwillingness to talk through issues, big or small.

“All couples have disagreements. That’s perfectly normal and healthy. But it’s how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things. Does your partner walk away? Shut down? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags.

“In a good relationship, a couple can and will talk through issues, listening to the other person’s point of view and expressing his or her own. No one needs to win or lose. It’s about expressing how something makes you feel and being heard. Communication …read more

Source:: Businessinsider – Life

      

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